the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
