i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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