we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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