You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
