she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
