why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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