Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
