You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Randomize
