that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
