It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
We need to rekindle our bromance
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
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