But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
