I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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