my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Found your dick twin last night
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
