why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
