Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
