He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Two words: nipple clamps
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