My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
