fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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