Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
