At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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