My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize