For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
