oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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