after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
