she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
