So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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