Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
