hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
