i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
