should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
