I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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