so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
