kristin has been a bad kristin
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
