I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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