WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
