I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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