Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
