having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
