just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
