I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
