when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
