I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
