When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Boobs are out for the taking
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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