I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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