those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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