the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
