now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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