Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize