Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
your room smells of hookers.
And success
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Duck Duck Cougar?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
