i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
