i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
