just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
