I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
My bed smells like the plague
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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