My liver just broke up with me...
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I just had sex on a roof
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
