You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
So gin and wine won't be happening again
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
