don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize