see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize