i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I just want to make out with him forever
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
