Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
