I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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