after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
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fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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