He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
