somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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