i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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