I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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