oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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