sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
