I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
its not stalking. its research.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
