EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Randomize
