Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
