A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
