I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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