My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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