Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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