Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
