there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
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