oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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