Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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