i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I have aggressive nipples.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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