seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
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i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
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I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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