You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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