I heard we made out
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
