I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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