I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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