also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
