This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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