Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
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between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
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I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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