You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
