I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
