you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
